“I detest camping,” said Ella.
But how could she resist Chuck’s brown-eyed, boyish pout? That same look coaxed her into matrimony to the impoverished med student a year ago.
Two miles past the nearest service station, his classic Mustang stalled. Neither of their cell phones found a signal and the sun was setting. Resentment swelled her. Pain riddled her back and thighs as they hauled their gear to a nearby abandoned building.
“At least we don’t have to pitch the tent. See, El, our luck’s about to change.”
“More than you can imagine."
"Huh?"
"My water just broke.”
Sounds like these two are going to have a very adventurous life! I like the story!
ReplyDeleteWell, Rochelle, at least he's a med student.
ReplyDeleteNice story, I think (as in, I hope everything comes out alright.)
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/nurture-or-nature/
Aha, Doug. You noticed that he was a med student. I didn't want to leave Ella with a completely clueless husband. Although, coaxing his very pregnant wife to go camping in the middle of nowhere might not be the smartest thing, either.
DeleteA great story.
ReplyDeleteLife sure is about to become somewhat hectic!
Quick, boil some water, and we need lots of rags, at least that's what they say in the movies. They are certainly in a pickle.
ReplyDeletehttp://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/flash-fiction-friday-lovers-embrace/
That was brave of her, going camping that close to her due date! I hope they packed the hospital bag and a bale of towels....
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the story, thank you!
We're here: http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/searching-for-sarah
What a great story. I laughed & said Oh Shit at the same time.
ReplyDeleteLooks like we sort of went with a similar ending on this one! Loved the humour in this. Here's mine.
ReplyDeletehttp://freejournowriter.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/friday-fictioneers-solitude/
Surprise! She is going to remember this trip! Hahaha!
ReplyDeleteFun use of the prompt!
Here is mine~
http://susielindau.com/2012/07/06/risky-business-115-word-flash-fiction/
It never rains but it pours... one hell of a journey in progress here. Loved it.
ReplyDeletehttp://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/the-female-of-the-species-friday-fictioneers-july-2012/
I'm with Ella, I spent my formative years camping several times a year for about 10 years and in my recollection, it rained every time (UK camping is not known for being dry). Thanks for the memory and the lovely twist at the end.
ReplyDeleteFor anyone else that happens along, mine is here: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/07/06/reality-brought-forth/
Oh no!!!! I LOVE IT...someone is about to put his medical education to use and in a not so prepared way. Great job :). Love it. Thanks so much for stopping by mine.http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/2012/07/05/the-houses-secret-friday-fictioneers-76/
ReplyDeleteBoomie Bol
Hi Rochelle,
ReplyDeleteThank goodness he's a med student! Will she still have a co-pay? I'm writing a story currently that has a woman character who hates camping. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story. Ron
Wow! That's going to be one trip they never forget. Nice job with the prompt.
ReplyDeleteThere's no WAY you'd get me camping at 5 months pregnant, let alone 9, so she has some of my sympathy but not much. I hope eveything turns out OK, though. Thanks for stopping by and commenting on mine!
ReplyDeleteGreat story. Makes for an interesting birth story to pass down to their child.
ReplyDeleteLovely twist! I wonder what they will name this child?
ReplyDeleteexcellent :)
ReplyDeletehttp://manoftheword.com/2012/07/06/friday-fictioneers-july-6-2012/
Shame her waters didn't break whilst she was inside his car - that would have shown him! Nice story.
ReplyDeleteClaire
http://worksbyclaire.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/100-word-story-music/
Another great story, Rochelle. And you go on to leave us in suspense.
ReplyDeleteI like the witty response she gave when he said their luck was about to change. It made me chuckle a bit, even though the situation was serious.
I think the second line should read:
But how could she resist Chuck’s brown-eyed, boyish pout?
Thanks for coming over to logo-ligi: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/07/06/healing/
Thanks for your comment, Kwadwo and for noticing the typo. I repaired it.
DeleteI was grumbling right along when you caught me off guard. I love when you do that--and you do it so well! This was really a fun story with all the little details that make it so believable. Well done!
ReplyDeletehttp://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
Love the way you played the relationship out in the scene. And what a great final twist! I agree, good thing he's a med student!!
ReplyDeletehttp://bit.ly/N15EfJ
Well, at least he won't completely freak out. Quite fun stuff.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reviewing mine: "Last Cigarette" http://therantinarkansan.blogspot.com/2012/07/friday-fictioneers-last-cigarette.html
He's not even in residency yet. Crash course in laborious and delivery! There's a lot of other underlying emotions going on here. I'd love to read how their life progresses. Her resentment is telling.
ReplyDeleteThis story was outstanding. Best. Last. Line. Ever.
ReplyDeleteGreat turn at the end, and well foreshadowed (if you can call it that in 100 words) with the back pain. I'm seeing really well-drawn relationships this week!
ReplyDeletegreat twist. I litterally jumped when I read that. ( But at least it wasn't the car, as nearly happened to me )
ReplyDeletebw
My husband is a Master Mariner and he has to go through basic midwifery training for his medical officer certificate. He was the uterus once in a class, haha, and then he delivered our daughter (in a hospital, under the close watch of a real midwife). The med student should be ok, but shame on him for being so careless with a heavily pregnant wife!
ReplyDeleteGreat little story, Rochelle. As you can see, it produced memories and lots of feelings. Love that!
I'm here: http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/the-house-that-jack-built-ff-6712/
I want to kill that insensitive husband. How selfish of him. Plus I can't believe she agreed to go camping with him at that stage of her pregnancy. You got me going, Rochelle. lol. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteUh-oh! Well, at least they know where a bit of civilization is, though this is NOT the time to hike back to it! Excellent twist.
ReplyDeleteI know my wife would never let me take her camping, regardless of what stage of pregnancy she was in - poor Ella, at least she'll get a good story to tell at the little one's 21st birthday! And @newpillowbook, Chuck will need to go hiking soon, I'd wager!
ReplyDeleteI think this proves that camping while pregnant is one of the worst ideas ever. Makes for an interesting story though.
ReplyDeleteWow! Don't ya hate it when that happens? Sounds like the camping trip is about to have an extra camper.
ReplyDeleteNice twist at the end (great last line). Ella definitely should have mentioned her preference for not camping earlier (especially being that pregnant!) — I'm sure her generally thoughtless husband would have followed her lead on that one. ;)
ReplyDeleteGeneral tip: product brands are capitalized in the way the company established them.
[I'm a horse person, so I had infinite glee when I saw that "his classic mustang stalled." (Images of handsome horses refusing to move forward and the places where humans normally keep them danced in my head).]
Thanks for the tip. You'll note I've capitalized the M in Mustang. I. too, am a visual so the horse image made me chuckle.
DeleteWhat an awful place to deliver a baby. Sure hope they brought lots of water to tide them over until they get rescued!
ReplyDeleteOh my! Interesting take on this pic. Hope he knows how to deilver a baby. And I hope they brought a camera.
ReplyDelete