After a forbidden night in heaven Daniel stretched in the down sleeping bag. The mountain air chilled his face as he watched the sun rise over the snow-dusted volcano.
Loath to wake her, he filled his eyes with her image for just another breath. Ebony hair haloed her high-boned cheeks and full lips.
Self-satisfied, he grinned. Sooner or later the army would be sent to fight the Krauts. Not him. He couldn’t wait for Christmas luaus in paradise.
“Kiss me, sailor,” she whispered.
“Okalani, it’s 6:30. I gotta get back to Pearl before Skipper realizes I’m AWOL.”
"ebony hair halo-ed her high-boned cheeks and full-lips" ... nice vision.
ReplyDeletehttp://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-hills/
This is great. Kind of ominous, if you time warp it back. Love it! http://kaitlinandmichaelbranch.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-5/
ReplyDeleteIn recent years I've become fascinated with history. Glad you caught it Kaitlin. ;)
ReplyDeleteOne last night in paradise. Poor guy. Lovely imagery contrasting with what we know was about to come.
ReplyDeletehttp://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-1st-june/
Like the character's your story is a lovely interlude. "Kiss me, sailor" is the most provocative line in the story, thus the title. Mine is at http://repuestodelatabla.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/friday-fictioneer-100-word-story-flat-top/
ReplyDeleteDear Rochelle,
ReplyDeleteYou rolled back the years perfectly to a time and place both peaceful and perilous. Kiss Me, Sailor was wonderfully imagined and lovingly rendered. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/poliahu-at-dawn/
This is beautiful, almost poetic. I love the title. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/fridayfictioneers-my-pilot/
ReplyDeleteThe start and idea is lovely, but I found the tone of the sailor's dialog a bit jarring when compared to the rest of the piece. After a few sips of coffee I wonder if it is necessary? The story might be more powerful if it ended on "Kiss me sailor,"
ReplyDeleteYes, the ending is jarring. I intended it to be so.
DeleteOf course that line is necessary! How would we know he is talking about Pearl Harbour without it? And hence the bittersweet back story of his last night on earth.
ReplyDeleteQuite an interestingly rendered little piece.
Yours as ever,
Lindaura
and for those just arriving, I am here:
http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com
I was just about to say the same thing, Linda. You beat me to it. Thanks.
DeleteVery nice twist, and great pacing and timing. Yes, you need the last line to help us understand where and when we are. Good job with the history.
ReplyDeleteHere's my post: http://unspywriter.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-goes-to-mars/
Or to go directly to the story: http://unspywriter.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers/expendable/
A great story Rochelle.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the clever hints you left taking us back to the awaiting tragedy of Pearl Harbour.
Did he make back before or after the attack? What a way to end the story on a question. I liked it.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine for anyone else: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-too-near-the-sun/
Maybe he did and maybe he didn't. I don't even know.
DeleteI loved the tone of this. The ending was powerful the importance of savoring the moment. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteMy attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/the-beautiful-hush/
If only he knew what awaited him back at Pearl Perhaps he would have stayed AWOL if he had.
ReplyDeleteNicely done, Rochelle, and so poignant.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting on ours. For other clickers, we're at http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/time-is-running-out (160 words)
Good images, and descriptive scene of a sailor and his girlfriend unknowing of things yet to come in their future. History gives us all ideas galore to write about and create new scenarios or possibilities. Mine is based on the sulfuric cauldrons we saw at YNP, Wy. and the 'big' eruption scientists believe is just short years away from happening. Amazing to see. http://jemj47.wordpress.com/reflections
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, that is an amazing story. What a sad one, as well. I almost want to grab him and say, "NO! Don't go!" Very well done! Here's mine: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/30/friday-fictioneers-1-june-2012-the-conquerer/#comment-773
ReplyDeleteUh oh, I'm getting the feeling he wasn't on of the ones that survived the attack. Excellent job!
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling this day will live in infamy. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteMine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/flash-friday-fiction-3/
I wondered where this was going. I love it. The Sailor in me would have loved to go AWOL just once, like the older salts did. But I wasn't so lucky while I was in service. I can still day dream about it. Great period piece. Thanks for leaving your link on my blog. Here is my link for others to follow: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/06/friday-flash-fiction-start-day.html
ReplyDeletein a few words - you're GOOD, girl!!
ReplyDeleteVery nicely executed, Rochelle. I like it a lot! A prequel, if you will, for the event on the horizon. I agree the last line...great! Also sad and making me want to scream. "AOWL Dude, do that!"
ReplyDeleteOOPS! Here is mine this week...
Deletehttp://fictionvictim.blogspot.com/2012/05/friday-fictioneers-1-june-2012-culdera.html
I liked everything about, the description of the girl, the period setting, the whole nine yard. Well done!
ReplyDeleteYou've been to mine. Here's the link for others
http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
Love the "historical" story...love the title. Let's hope he could not resist another kiss, went AWOL and one of the lucky ones to miss the "Attack." I'm passing on this one. I did get an idea but suffering with a terrible migraine the last two days. See you next week.
ReplyDeleteA chilling ending. Makes you shiver. Very well-written.
ReplyDeleteIn case your readers would like to read mine, here's the link: http://marilynkaydennis.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-waiting/
Lovely image and romance you've captured.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/flash-fiction-friday-an-addiction/
"After a forbidden night in heaven..."
ReplyDeleteLovely expression.
My link: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/01/the-standpoint/