“Odonata class: Zygoptera.” With calculated neatness twelve-year-old Clark wrote in his notebook. “Damselfly.”
The insect’s organza wings shimmered silver-blue in the late afternoon sun. It seemed to relish the unprecedented attention rather than fear it. The excited boy snapped it from every angle with his new iPhone.
“‘A+’ for sure!”
A low growl interrupted his reverie. “Get your ass home, nerd-boy, before I havta beat the crap outta ya again.”
Clark poised the iPhone like a camera in one hand while with his other he cocked the stolen gun in his pocket. He winked a swollen eye.
“Hey…Dad. Say ‘cheese.’”
thanks for reading, and keen work here!
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't take one long to imagine the sort of picture Clark will create. Morbid, but creative.
ReplyDeleteMine: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/21/a-silent-moment/
"organza wings" pretty...awh i hope Clark gets better days though I feel for him...
ReplyDeletehttp://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/friday-fictioneers-around-the-bends/
Beautifully told, shocking ending. Awesome!
ReplyDeleteVery well told, the ending is wow!!! Thanks so much for stopping by mine http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/2012/06/21/damsel-fly-friday-fictioneers-622/
ReplyDeleteNice twist. Never saw that coming, but sounds like it was deserved.
ReplyDeleteSilver-blue, organza wings. Nice. Sounds like daddy is going to get his comeuppance. Here's mine ..just in case:
ReplyDeletewww.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
Note to FF writers: Any Blogspot people having trouble accessing comments to Wordpress blog members? I am..and trying to figure out the problem.
HI all...It took a while but Wordpress finally decided to behave so I'm able to comment on Wordpress stories.
DeleteWhoa. Didn't see that end coming either. Nice job with this story.
ReplyDeleteWow! Like CC before me, I did not see that coming either. It went to something of beauty when describing the damselfly's wings to the horrible and ugly as the winking of his swollen eye. Nicely done. Now I want to know...did he pull that trigger? or did his Dad get the message and back down? ;)
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done! Didn't see it ending that way, and you said a lot in just 100 words
ReplyDeleteSounds like the father met his 'water-loo'. A sad picture I'm sure of more cases than we would ever know. Very convincing.
ReplyDeleteWow, I didn't see that one coming at all - One dead Dad and probably one happy son - as long as the authorities don't catch up with him, or maybe that won't be a problem because of the abuse. Either way, really good take on the prompt.
ReplyDeleteHere's my attempt: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/06/22/friday-fictioneers-gramps-and-me/
ooh, nasty! But well-deserved apparently. Not sure that he should photograph the evidence, though. Might have trouble claiming self-defence after that! Mine's on the list, if anyone wants to visit.
ReplyDeleteSomehow I don't think Clark intended to take a picture.
DeleteAn excellent case of comeuppance, but is Clark the boy or the Dad? I read it a couple of times, and I'm not sure. That doesn't detract from the nice twist at the end.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine: http://unspywriter.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers/not-tonight-dear/
Clark is the boy. The dad is the gruff voice that interrupts Clark. Sorry if this wasn't clear.
Delete"Twelve-year-old Clark" seems clear to me.
DeleteDon't really get this one
ReplyDeleteSo sad a dad that doesn't see what a wonderful gift he has in his son and what a shame the boy's innocence forever gone.....
ReplyDeleteOh, I didn't expect that ending! That was a great twist. I loved the organza wings. 'Organza' the word I was looking for when I wrote mine, but it remained obstinately hidden!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/damselfly
Yikes - neat and heavy twist.
ReplyDeleteA poignant story of abuse finely told with a deadly twist. Thank you for the comment on mine. I'm here and linked for others: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/21/fridayfictioneers-the-omen/
ReplyDeleteI guess the dad in this is of the low quality? Great twist. I like the description of the wings. Beautiful. Here is mine: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/06/friday-fictioneer-dragon-fly-and.html
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful because it happens so offend when parent expect children to be a certain way and they are not instead of praising they gift they just put them down. Great twist to the story and great use of the prompt.
ReplyDeletehttp://vsichalwe.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/friday-fictioneers-3/
Time to get even, I see. I like rooting for the boy here - he deserves it.
ReplyDeleteMine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/flash-friday-fiction-6/#entry
Dear Rochelle,
ReplyDeleteHow did that genius boy spring from his cro-magnon father? Even the damselfly sensed his benign, inquiring nature, yet his father is clueless as to what will soon befall him if he keeps up abusing his son.
A very unique and interesting take on the prompt. (Goodnight:)
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/kaleidoscope/ (for visitors to your world:)
In response to Doug, my guess is it was his step-father. In either event, sounded like he needed killin' (as we say in the south).
ReplyDeleteI like the way this story started off like a homework assignment and made a brutal U-turn. Powerful writing, Rochelle.
A clever twist into darkness. I especially liked "organza wings." What a perfect description!
ReplyDeleteI suspect dad should have been less critical of his son's interest in the whimsical and studious. I think dad will look good with a pin through him and an appropriate card identifying his genus/species. Delightfully done.
ReplyDeleteGreat story Rochelle. I'm torn on how I'd like to see it end, but I know if Clark pulls that pistol from his pocket there won't be any turning back if he's planning to live through it. And either way, the Rubicon doesn't seem far away. He'll cross it sooner or later.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way, Madison.
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ReplyDeleteWell done. I love how innocent the boy comes across, he's just being a boy, and doing his homework, and that father who I think of as smelling of alcohol had pushed and punched too far. I wonder if there are siblings in this story suffering in a similar fashion, and mother, and this young fella, was he the oldest and therefor, the protector of the rest?
ReplyDeletehttp://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/06/21/flash-fiction-friday-shearing-placid/