Thanks to Madison Woods for the photo prompt and Friday Fictioneers to keep us on our writing toes.
Through vicious barbs and twisted wire the sun had the audacity to shine. Marushka licked the dregs of a discarded sardine tin. Her disappointed stomach howled its outrage. She sank down on the stony ground. Stretching her rawboned legs in the dust she longed for silk stockings to hug her once shapely calves.
From her torn pocket she pulled a mirror-shard and glowered at her reflection. Who was this bald hag? Murderer! No! She'd only covered his mouth so they wouldn't hear.
"24682." She slashed a trail, long and deep, through the tattooed number to her wrist.
"Mama's coming, Dovid."
This is both beautiful and chilling. And I love the story and the description.
ReplyDeleteRochelle: Powerful and heartbreaking. Perfect use of the prompt. Here's mine: www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteI'm stunned. How beautifully sad. Thank You for this.
ReplyDelete"...the sun had the audacity to shine." I loved that phrase. Rochelle, your story was full of perfectly tendered emotion, a great use of the prompt.
ReplyDeleteI really loved the detail of the sardine can. It drew me into the moment, creating a great visual.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/26/friday-fictioneer-6/
Lovely, bittersweet tale. It reminded me of Crazy Cora in "Quigley Downunder"--she accidentally smothered her baby trying to keep him quiet during an Indian attack. Very nicely rendered--I loved it!
ReplyDeleteMine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html
This brings to mind stories some of the elderly I used to care for told me about some ofthe mother's in concentration camps in WWII
ReplyDeleteVery chilling.
Mine is here http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story/
Wow I just read your bio so I see now. Good job the emotion was very deep
DeleteYes, I grew up hearing the stories and seeing the graphic pictures. So my story is based on accounts I've heard.
DeleteMarushka licked the dregs of a discarded sardine tin. Her disappointed stomach howled its outrage.
ReplyDeleteJust brilliant, emotion, sense of place, feeling and heartbreaking. Superb.
http://freejournowriter.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fictioneers-flowers/
You humble me.
DeleteThis was a very graphic piece - and really gives us the feeling that we could all be this woman. Fantastic - and I think quite brave of you!
ReplyDeleteLinda Lindaura
Wow, not only a really powerful piece, but also really well written. I hope you decide to build on it. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThis was truly dramatic and more than a bit horrifying. Poor woman. Nicely crafted, well done.
ReplyDeleteMine's at http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/trespass/
Wow, Rochelle. Hugely strong and poignant. It made my heart ache.
ReplyDelete--Jan
http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flashfriday-fictioneers-behind-barbed-wire/
This reminds me of an old episode of NCIS, where a WW2 vet had killed his injured friend purely to stop his agonised screaming from giving their position away to the enemy.
ReplyDeleteThe almost unhinged emotion on display here is excellent.
Mine's this-a-way:
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/fridayfictioneers-hunterhunted/
Thanks, Gary. I'm a huge NCIS fan. Wasn't thinking of that episode but appreciate the connection.
DeleteConsidering the quality of the writing in NCIS, I hope you took my comment as complimentary! :)
DeleteI've always considered NCIS to be the best character driven show since M*A*S*H. So to have my little body of work compared in any way to it is high praise indeed! Thank you!
DeleteOh, I felt that shard of glass gouge deep! Powerful picture you made!
ReplyDeleteMine is here, and very different from yours. http://oldentimes.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/hog-tight-it-endures/
I am really enjoying how many different pictures this prompt is evoking.
I really enjoyed yours, too. I am amazed and entertained by the differences.
DeleteHeavily reminiscent of a darker time. You've done a fantastic job of taking us there.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Here is the link to mine. I hope you enjoy.
http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/
You weave this story beautifully and there are several great lines, like the audacity of the sun. I have a few questions, but that's OK in a short piece. Most of all I wanted to know if the person she killed was friend or foe - a guard trying to hold her back, or her own child. That would give me more clarity as to whether the wound she is inflicting is just to remove the tattoo so she can find a living child, or to kill herself to join a dead one.
ReplyDeleteThe piece is chilling either way, but I'd have liked to know.
I'm over here:http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fiction-soul-memories/
It is a challenge to write a complete story in so few words, isn't it?
DeleteThe person she killed was Dovid, her baby son. Unintentionally she smothered him with her hand over his mouth and nose to keep the SS from hearing him and finding them. Unfortunately it's a fairly common story. And yes, she killed herself to join him.
Here mind sounds a little gone. Murderer and prison in combo. Good grief. Nice story.
ReplyDeleteLink to mine: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/sharp/
'Through vicious barbs and twisted wire the sun had the audacity to shine.' Yes, the sun has no business shinning in such grim circumstances. I love this. Chillingly beautiful. Mine is similar: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/fridayfictioneers-sobibor/
ReplyDeleteAs I said on your site, my Marushka met your Herr Manning.
DeleteI really liked some phrases that you have used in this post.
ReplyDelete"Audacity of the sun", "Disappointed stomach" "howl of an outrage". Good play of words!
I didn't quite understand what quite happened in the story to be honest. Maybe I need to read it a few more times..
Parul
http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/building-boundaries/
Concentration camp. Starvation. Suicide to escape the horror.
DeleteWonderful and stark depiction of a Sophie's Choice moment. Excellent pacing to the inevitable. Thank you for the reminder to never forget.
ReplyDeleteVery moving piece with vivid imagery. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHere's mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/27/scraped/
Chilling and powerful. It's good to be reminded of history's horror stories now and again.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing.
Here's mine: http://the-drabbler.com/trespass/
Wonderful Rochelle, So sad beautiful and heartbreaking. I so quickly related and understood. Great job!
ReplyDeleteSussan De Allura
Just read this last one. I can see the scene and it works. Real good. Poignant words and phrases. If one can visualize the whole scene in the 100 words used, little else is needed.
ReplyDeleteHoly Cow! That got me... nice work.
ReplyDelete