Thursday, August 9, 2012

SAFE

Without a lot of explanation or intro I give you this week's offering for Friday Fictioneers.

“Your services are no longer needed.”

Twenty-three years of loyalty to the company. Terminated. Snap! Just like that.

Along with other victims, Elise sued for age discrimination and won.

No longer defined by job description, motherhood, widowhood or any other hood, she left the Midwest behind.

Thousands of miles away, the ocean’s slup-slosh sated her thirsty ears. The salt-laden breeze sent shivers of delight through her bare arthritic shoulders.

Then she dove headlong into the wake. The sea welcomed and caressed her like a long-lost lover. Her eyes feasted on purple coral, mollusks and striped clownfish.

Elise was home!

44 comments:

  1. Hi Rochelle,

    Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. First sentence, first word. Fix, fix.

    I absolutely loved this story as it closely parallels my life. You nailed the joy and freedom and sense of home that those under the spell of the sea feel. Her soft susurration soothes the senses. I'm jumping in, too.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Soft susurration -- I learned a new word. I'm going to have to remember that one.

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  2. I live only ten miles from the Atlantic ocean. I was stationed in North Dakota for seven years as a Minuteman ICBM launch officer. This story rings so true to life, it's uncanny. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

    http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/aromog-and-modos-copyright-2012-ilyan-kei-lavanway/

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  3. It's a shame she didn't make it home sooner so she could enjoy it longer. Still, a wonderful story.

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  4. Good for Elise, no place like home no doubt. Very well done. Mine is here http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/this-image-friday-fictioneers-810/

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  5. A wonderful story.
    I loved the idea of her no longer being defined by any 'hoods'.
    We do have a habit of categorising ourselves and those around us.

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  6. Hi Rochelle,
    I enjoyed this story, with its uppity older woman with arthritis finally coming home to the surf. I, too, thought the "hoods" sentence worked very well. I'm with Doug about the "Your" fix. I loved the slup-slosh and the bare arthritic shoulders, great imagery!
    cheers,
    Lorelei

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  7. Very nice. A story of life, and an ending more satisfying to the soul in life. Being free to return to the old and familiar. Mine is on the list, but will include it here too.
    http://jemj47.wordpress.com

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  8. Well done. You made the sea sound so irresistible.

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  9. I'm painfully aware of my wrong use of you're. Should be your in the first sentence. Will fix when. not on iPhone. Boy is my face red.
    Rochelle

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  10. Very nice, Rochelle. I'm so happy for her. I get the same fix from the mountains.

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  11. You're face shouldn't be read we all make mixtakes. Randy

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  12. Yeah for Elise, this gave me a smile and a sense of peace.

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  13. oops. I left off the period after read. ;-)
    duz it take longer on an iphone than aphone?

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  14. Rochelle I love your writing. This topic I am all too farmiliar with. As if waging isn't hard enough.

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  15. When the world gets me down, I often find myself at the beach...my home.

    ~Susan (www.susanwenzel.com)

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  16. home is where the heart is....

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  17. Now that is justice well served and well enjoyed and well deserved. Just perfect and really well written too.
    http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/08/10/friday-fictioneers-shell-seeker/

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  18. I read it post-fixing-your, so some of the comments were a puzzlement. ;-)

    As someone who retired a few years ago, I can relate to your protagonist. Nice, affirming, uplifting story.

    Here's mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/down-by-the-sea-shore/

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  19. The sea cleanses my soul. I love this piece! The 'hoods' made me smile (it's so wonderful to be out of the box) and 'slup-slosh' is reverberating in my ears as I type. Wonderful.

    Thanks for your comment on ours. :)

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  20. I absolute loved this one, Rochelle. I hate to keep echoing the same thing, but the line about the "hoods" was great. This is beautifully written, and the comments tell me that everyone was as swept away by this story as I was.

    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

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  21. I love this. It gave me shivers....Back into the deep.
    Here is mine~
    http://susielindau.com/2012/08/10/the-morning-after/

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  22. Thanks for reading my Friday Fictioneers "shell" prompt-and for helping me find your story. Nice take in the prompt, I like the "finally going back where I belong" stories-often write such stories myself. So many of us feel this longing, whether we act on it or not! beebeesworld

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  23. A lot of plot. And a mermaid ending?

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  24. My goodness I could not picture my life so land locked. I'm glad she got home. Beautiful story Rochelle. I'm on the list and here: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/08/friday-fictioneers-sand-and-sea-shells.html

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    1. Alas I am landlocked, Atiya. The few times I've been to the ocean were magnificent. Particularly a week long trip to the Virgin Islands where I fell in love with snorkeling.

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  25. Nicely done. Loved "or any other hood" and "bare arthritic shoulders." Great descriptors.

    I'm here http://banterwithbeth.blogspot.com/

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  26. I love and miss the ocean, so this touched me. Very nice, Rochelle! Look forward to your readings next weekend!

    --Jan
    http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/08/10/fridayfictioneers-flashfiction-shell-phone/

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  27. For those who summer in New England, "...the salt-laden breeze" says it all. Nice story."

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  28. This reminded me of when I was snorkling in Thailand, wonderful place. I love it when a piece of writing brings back a memory, well done.

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  29. I loved 'slup-slosh' - a really vivid sound captured by words alone. Lovely.

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  30. Oh, I SO relate to her! Living in Missouri, there are times when the ocean calls so loudly.

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  31. Hmmm! And my only negative comment was the choice of'slup-slosh' (see comment above). Love this! Especially since I think I'll be retiring by the end of this year and we're planning our future road trips!

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  32. I have nothing more to add as those above me have said it all. Wonderful piece!

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  33. I wonder what it is that makes us feel at home in a place we move to? I found it here in my husband's home county of Dorset - also by the sea. Loved the story - it made me glad I didn't have to wait till the 'arthritic' days before I came home.

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  34. This was great! I wondered where it was going when you started with her termination, but it was really nice the way you went through the firing, to the lawsuit, to the coast and made it all seem like a natural progression. The relief of the water really comes across that way. Great story!

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  35. Nice! — Glad she won!
    Loved "the ocean’s slup-slosh sated her thirsty ears."
    You can probably eliminate the exclamation point at the end (it feels like it's trying too hard).

    Thanks for visiting mine. :)

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